The Hobbit in New York
by Samara13
Summary: Bilbo and the thirteen dwarves find themselves in New York. How will they react to all the new things they encounter?
1. Chapter 1

"What's this now?" Bombur asked.

He looked around in astonishment. There were trees around him, but not the trees he used to see.

"Get off so we can all see!" Kili grunted from below him.

Bombur quickly got off the pile of dwarves and of course the Hobbit.

"Woooow..." Fili and Kili said.

They were in Central Park, New York, but of course the company of Thorin Oakenshield did not know this.

"Where are the orcs that were chasing us?" Bifur asked while turning around.

"Where is everything is a better question..." Oin said a bit weary.

"What sorcery is this?!" Thorin grunted. "One minute ago we were being attacked by orcs and now we are in a strange forest."

Bilbo was the only one who, instead of asking questions, walked around in search of answers. He silently made his way through the strange trees and eventually came in an open field. There were a lot of human children running around in strange clothes. Bilbo observed for a while, safely hidden behind a big tree. He remembered reading one or maybe three books including pictures that looked a lot like this scene.

"Hello there, have you lost your way little boy?"

Bilbo let out a shriek and looked behind him. A female human was looking at him.

"Uh...uh I..." "Wh...where am I?"

The woman frowned. "In Central Park, New York of course." "Have you hit your head?"

"Hobbit!"

Thorin and the other dwarves were running towards him.

"Let him go witch!" Fili screamed before launching himself towards the woman.

The woman screamed and then fainted.

"What's going on, why did you leave us?" Balin asked.

"I was looking for answers when that lady saw me, she thought I was a child." Bilbo said.

"And did you find any answers?"Gloin asked.

"Yes, we're in New York, I've read a few books about it." "It's a city full of humans and I don't think it's in Middle Earth..."

"Not in Middle Earth, oooh noooo we're doomed!" Ori cried.

"Silence!" Thorin said. "We will find our way back and as master Baggins knows the most about this land we will follow him."

**Fifteen minutes and a lot of scaring human children later**

"Yes I can see some light!" Bofur yelled.

"Finally out of this crazy forest..." Dwalin muttered.

"What's that strange noise?" Nori asked.

He found out a minute later. Our company was standing in front of a _road_.

"Hobbit, what's this?" Thorin asked.

"Uh...I do believe it's what they call a road here."

Thorin unsheathed his sword and carefully tapped the black substance. Bilbo was brave enough to stand on it and all the dwarves gasped, but soon enough they all were running around with exception of Thorin of course who watched. Suddenly Nori stopped.

"I hear that strange noise again." He said looking around.

And then they saw it. A huge metal...well what was it.

"CAR!" Bilbo shouted in horror. He had read about these metal monsters and was not keen to see it up close.

Of course shouting "car" said nothing to the thirteen dwarves but the horror on Bilbo's face said enough. They all hurried back to the safety of the forest except Kili who charged the metal beast with his sword. If it wasn't for Thorin pushing his nephew aside just in time, it would have ended ugly for the young dwarf.

"You brainless dwarf!" The uncle shouted. "What were you thinking?!" "You would have been killed, and I would have too when I told your mother what had happened to you!"

Bilbo closed his eyes and sighed. If all of the new things the dwarves would encounter would go like this, there was a long way to go...


	2. Chapter 2

"I think I can get used to this." Fili said with a grin.

It took Bilbo several hours to convince the dwarves to cross the street and now it was in the middle of the night. They were walking around a square filled with lights. There were not many humans but the company made sure they stayed hidden in the shadows.

"What now my prince?" Balin asked looking at Thorin.

"Perhaps time for something to eat?" Bombur asked hopeful.

"Or some sleep..." Ori said just before yawning.

"Indeed, we will find ourselves a place to rest." Thorin answered. "Master Baggins, lead us and we will follow."

The hobbit jerked his head towards the dwarf prince. "Excuse me?" "Just because I have read one or three books years ago does not mean I know everything about this strange place."

He sighed when he was answered by a frown and started to look around.

"I guess we could sleep in those bushes..."

"That settles one problem but what about a snack?" Bombur asked.

Bilbo looked offended since everyone was looking at him _again_.

"Bombur you're in charge of getting food." Thorin ordered. "The rest of us will make the bushes ready for the night."

Bombur hastily but carefully started his voyage. It didn't take long before he stumbled across a curious smell. It came from an iron horse standing a few feet away. Immediately a huge conflict ran through his mind. Was he scared enough to forget his hunger, or was he hungry enough to forget being afraid? Step by step he approached the beast but it didn't seem to notice the fat dwarf. Bombur smelled again. It seemed to come from the boxes standing on the iron horse. Suddenly Bombur bolted, jumped and grabbed the boxes, in the action knocking over the "iron horse" and ran for dear life before it would come after him. Of course we know a motorcycle will not move without its owner.

"Finally!" Fili said. "What happened, got any food?"

Bombur fell down and rubbed the sweat off his forehead.

"It was awful, I was almost killed by an iron horse!" He cried.

Everyone else gathered around the upset dwarf.

"An iron horse?" Bifur asked.

"Yes, horrible absolutely horrible..." "I had to fight it to get to the food, it was ferocious but I killed it."

Everyone was very proud of the cook and he received many shoulder pads and hands.

"Now let us see your prize for your bravery Bombur." Thorin said.

Bombur took one of the boxes and opened it.

"What...what is that?" Fili asked.

All of them looked at the hobbit. Bilbo looked again. It was round and was yellow with orange. The smell was amazing. Suddenly he remembered something from one of his books.

"I think this is called pizza."

"Pizza..." Kili repeated. "Sounds good."

"Bombur will eat first." "He risked his life for this meal" Thorin said.

Bombur grabbed the edge of the pizza and pulled. A chunk came off and he not too gracefully stuffed it in his mouth. After this, all the dwarfs and Bilbo grabbed a piece. After drinking some water which they had retrieved from the fountain in the middle of the square, the company settled in the bushes and all fell asleep.

It was a few hours later when Bilbo opened his eyes. Someone was pushing him away.

"Could you move over please?"

A grunt came as reply and he was being pushed even more, he almost fell out of the bushes.

"Oy, move over will you?"

He turned around to face the dwarf but...it was no dwarf. It was a man in old clothes with an awful smell, snoring in his face.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

**Five seconds later**

"You should have told us about those "nomads" mister Baggins!" Balin said.

"No time to speak, just run!" Bilbo squeaked.

The fourteen were running away as fast as they could before stopping on a safe distance.

"Alright, we will not sleep without someone on the watch." Thorin said.

The sun rose. They had survived their first night in New York.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alright everyone, gather round!" Thorin yelled. "Master Baggins has something to say."

"Uh yes, well I was thinking...if we want to get out of here we should get more information about this place." Bilbo began. "And the best way to do this is to blend in with the humans."

"And how will we do this?" Gloin asked.

"We will dress like human children, as we are their height."

"Human children don't have beards, do they?" Dwalin asked.

"No so therefore I will go along with Fili, Kili and Thorin, if he wishes too that is."

"I have a beard!" Thorin growled.

All dwarves shifted around uncomfortably and all eyes were occupied by something else.

"Uh...well yes." Bilbo stuttered.

"Oh come on uncle, it's the smallest of all, no one will notice!" Kili bravely stated.

"Alright than...for the safety of my family I will come along."

And so Bilbo left the others to come back half an hour later with four sets of clothes.

"This is what human children wear?" Thorin asked.

"Yep, just like in one of my books."

"Alright, Kili and I are going to the left and you hobbit will go with Fili to the right." "That way we will gather more information."

"Be careful!" Balin called after them before quickly returning to the shadows of the small alley they hid in.

"Bring some pizza!" Bombur chimed in.

**Bilbo and Fili**

"We certainly do get a lot of attention..." Bilbo said.

Everyone was looking strangely at them.

"They're just jealous of our awesome clothing." Fili said.

He stroke his light green sleeve right.

"Perhaps we should take the hats off." Bilbo said while doing it. "They must be too bold."

He looked at the red and green pointy hat with a frown.

"Suite yourself master Baggins, I like my hat."

"Heey losers, it's not Christmas anymore!" A human called at them.

"Christmas, what's that?" Fili asked.

"Well it's a feast in the winter where all the children get presents from Santa Clause, I think he's a wizard, and his helpers...oh no."

Bilbo stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"I just remembered what book I read..."

Fili shot him a questioning look.

"The Night Before Christmas..."

**Thorin and Kili**

"Human children dress weird."

Thorin sighed. "Would you stop plucking your vest?"

"It's itchy."

"Oy dumb heads, think you're in the wrong country! A human teenager called out, making his friends laugh.

"Yes thank god, do you know the way to Middle Earth?" Kili shouted.

The teen looked in confusion and walked on.

"How rude!" Kili muttered.

Thorin just groaned. He had enough of this strange place and the strange clothes looked ridiculous, not to mention the legging wasn't quite comfortable.

They walked on and on without really having a goal.

"Should we go back?" Kili asked.

"Yes I think that's wise."

They had just turned around when they saw the human teenager again only now in front of them.

"Hey if it isn't Santa's little ugly dwarfs!"

"No these are elves, dwarfs have beards!" His equally annoying friend said.

Thorin snapped. Kili did as well.

"And who is Santa?" Kili asked when they walked away, leaving the two teens tied up in a tree.

**Back at the alley**

"And, got some information about this mad country?" Balin asked.

"Yes, the humans here are crazy." Kili said. "They called us elves."

"Probably because you don't have your beard yet." Bombur said.

Thorin shot him his darkest glare ever.

"Hello there." Bilbo sounded behind them.

"Ah please tell us you have some information." Gloin said.

"Unfortunately not." The hobbit said.

"This was a waste of time." Balin sighed.

"Depends...found any pizza?" Bombur asked innocently.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm tired!" Kili said for the thousandth time.

Thorin sighed for the thousandth time. "One more word out of you and we'll leave you here."

"He is right though, we've been walking for hours and we're not getting anywhere..." Bofur muttered.

"Perhaps if we would know where we should get to." Dwalin growled.

"WATCH OUT!" Bilbo suddenly screamed.

Dwalin and Bofur stopped just in time before getting hit by a motorcycle. They had not seen the road behind the bushes.

"We could use one of those!" Kili said with a wide smile of excitement as he watched the motorcycle until it drove around a corner.

"What, those metal beasts?" Bombur asked shocked. "One of them tried to kill me, remember?"

"It would certainly be a lot faster." Balin said.

Thorin thought about it for a second before turning to the hobbit. "What says you master Baggins, would it be safe for us to tame such metal horse?"

"I don't think it would be safe but I agree with Balin, it's much faster...but to get fourteen of them might be tricky."

"What about those _cars_?" Nori asked. "More of us can get into one of those."

The other dwarves quickly agreed.

"But how do we get a car?" Fili asked. "You haven't read about that by any chance Bilbo?"

Bilbo sighed.

**A couple of hours later**

"So mister Oakenshield, you and your friends wish to get your driver's license?"

"Yes my lady we would." Thorin said to the woman by the helpdesk.

"Alright than, please fill in these papers and then we'll get started."

She handed the dwarf (now in proper disguise) the forms and the fourteen of them retrieved to the bench in the corner.

"So to have everyone in a car we need four cars." Bilbo said. "That means four drivers."

"I WANT! Kili screamed and everyone in the room looked at them.

He collected a slap on his head. "You're too young." His uncle growled. "I'll go, as will the hobbit." "Any volunteers, except for my nephews and Ori who is also too young."

"Wait a second, this book says you have to be eighteen to get your driver's license!" Fili said waving around a catalogue he had found. "We're well over that!"

Thorin slapped his hand against his forehead. "Very well, if that are the rules in this _mad_ land..."

After filling in the forms which took _very very_ long ("I don't think they'll accept flying on a giant eagle as drivers experience.") they handed them to the desk lady and waited.

"Now mister Kili, you'll be first." "You and your friends will take car number five."

After she led them towards the parking space with all the driving lesson cars and explaining the route they could take to practise she left.

"Alright than, first let's have a look at everything." Bilbo said when they all had taken place, Bilbo in the front next to Kili.

"That wheel is for steering into the right direction." "Now as I remember you have to kick in the pedal on your right to get forward and go faster." "The left one if for..."

"That's all I need to know!" Kili said and then kicked the gas as far in as it could and they bursted off the parking space, onto the road.

"KILI NOOOO THE BRAKES, USE THE BRAKES!"

"What is a brake?"

_BOOM_

"I no longer care for the laws in this land, my nephew is never allowed to get near such vehicle's wheel...ever."

"So...I didn't pass uncle?"

**Fifteen minutes later**

"So you won't just head off like your brother?" Bilbo asked for the fifth time.

"No master Baggins I will be careful and listen to your wisdom about cars." Fili answered.

"Very well, let's get started than."

Fili carefully drove out of the parking space.

"Good done Fili!" Bilbo said feeling a weight of nerves and fear falling off his shoulders. "Okay now take the next turn to the left."

He watched how the turn to the left came closer, but the car did not slow down.

"Fili, we are taking the next turn left." He said a bit louder, convinced that the dwarf had not heard him at first.

"Yes I know master Baggins, I must turn the wheel slowly to the left when we are near it."

"Yes but you must also..."

_Boom_

"...slow down, otherwise you might lose control of the wheel and crash..."

"Haha you crashed too!"

_Slap_

"Aaawh uncle!"

**Another fifteen minutes later**

Bilbo rubbed his forehead with his hands. He had a terrible headache and was sure to be close to a heart attack. But the worst was behind him, Bilbo was sure Thorin would do better. The grumpy dwarf took place behind the wheel and looked at the hobbit.

"I believe I know what to do after seeing my nephews fail so miserably."

"Fine go ahead than." Bilbo said agitated. The little hope he had was washed away, Thorin did not want to have any explanation what so ever.

The engine started and they drove away. After five minutes Bilbo dared to watch and he was surprised. Thorin did excellent. The speed was good, the turns were slow and steady.

"Wauw, Thorin you are doing great!" Bilbo said.

They were heading towards an intersection.

"Okay, now we have to let traffic from the right side go first, whoever comes from the left has to let us go first."

"Let others go first?" "I, Thorin Oakenshield, from Durin's blood and soon to be King Under the Mountain will not let other go first!" "They will stop for me!" Thorin growled and he turned up the speed.

"No Thorin stop, those are not the rules!"

"I already gave my thoughts about the laws in this ridiculous land hobbit!"

Bilbo closed his eyes and prayed.

_Boom_!

**Half an hour later**

The other dwarves stood up from the bench and walked to the four who had just stepped in the room again.

"And how did it go?" Balin asked.

"Well, me Fili and uncle did not pass." Kili said with a grin.

"And Bilbo?" Dori asked.

"He did not want to try." Fili said.

"Why not and how come even our prince did not pass?" Balin asked.

"Shut up, we'll go further by foot!" Both Bilbo and Thorin growled.


	5. Chapter 5

"Woooaaah…" The entire company of Thorin Oakenshield let out.

They were standing in front of a large building with bright neon letters on top of it.

"Ci...ne...ma." Balin read out. "What does that mean master Baggins?"

"I have absolutely no idea." Bilbo said.

"I want to go in." Kili said with a bright smile on his face.

"Me too." Nori said.

"Very well we shall investigate this strange _Cinema." _Thorin, who was curious himself, said.

The thirteen dwarves and Bilbo walked in.

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

Bilbo froze, the rest of the group was already at the end of the corridor so it was clearly the voice was speaking to him.

"Uhm little boy?"

The hobbit looked up to see a woman sitting behind a glass screen.

"Uh...I was just..."

"Looking for a good movie?" The woman said nicely.

Bilbo frowned. He didn't read about a _movie_.

"I'd recommend _The Smurfs _and you're lucky, children don't have to pay this week!"

Bilbo just decided to nod and smile. This woman was obviously crazy, talking about _smurfs_ whatever that might be.

"Just head to hall 3 very simple to find it's the only door that's open."

Bilbo nodded and smiled again before quickly heading towards the others. Surprisingly enough they were already at hall 3.

"Ah hobbit, where have you been?" Dwalin asked.

"Doesn't matter, we have to leave!" "That woman at the entrance is crazy!"

"Do not stress master Baggins, we have just arrived." Thorin said.

They entered hall 3, they were the only ones there. The hall was filled with chairs pointing to a huge...something."

"Just chairs?" Fili asked.

"I don't mind!" Bombur said as he walked to the middle of the hall and stopped in front of one.

After several minutes of struggling and cursing he managed to get the bottom piece down and sit. Disappointed and confused, the others followed his example.

"Quite comfy." Kili said approvingly. "

"Not as good as last night was it Kili?" Fili said.

"What?" Their uncle immediately came in between.

Both brothers had a 'we're busted' expression.

"Well...last night I woke up thirsty." Kili said.

"And as a good brother I went with him." Fili chimed in.

"Then we ran into another hobbit." Kili said.

"Another hobbit?" Bilbo asked surprised and leaned towards Fili.

"Yes, a bit taller than we, bare feet with a lot of hair." Fili said.

"Sounds like one." Bilbo muttered.

"So anyway, we asked him the way back to Middle Earth and if he by any chance knew you."

"And what did he say?" Dwalin asked.

"He took some weird small device, pushed some buttons than talked into it." Kili said.

"Next thing we know a white, large car appeared and two men in white clothes took us with them." Fili said.

"What!" Thorin growled.

"How did you come back?" Dori asked impressed.

"Oooh they were very nice to us." Kili said. "They took us to a room with soft walls and dressed us in warm blankets, though it was hard to move."

"It got bored at some point so we just left." Fili shrugged.

"Don't you dare leave without my permission ever again." Thorin said.

"Yes uncle..."

They heard footsteps behind them and when they turned around they saw a man walking towards them.

"Good afternoon boys." The man said.

The dwarves immediately looked at Bilbo.

"Uhm...hello."

"Would you like to sit at the back?" The man asked. "You're the only ones during this movie so you can sit wherever you want."

"The back?" Thorin scowled. "I, Thorin Oakenshield soon to be King under the Mountain will not sit at the back, we will sit at the front!"

And so several minutes later the movie began, with fourteen figures sitting at the front row.

"So...this gigantic blanket is going to tell us a story?' Bifur asked.

"I believe so." Bilbo said.

The lights went down and all the sudden a bright light appeared from the blanket, with equally loud noise.

"Aaaaah I don't like this story!" Bifur yelled.

"I want to go back to the soft wall room!" Kili screamed.

"It's too late, they've closed the doors, we're trapped!" Thorin yelled as well.

Chaos followed.

**Five minutes later**

"It's actually not so bad once you're used to it..." Bifur whispered.

"Yes this is quite enjoyable." Thorin said.

"I don't get it, so the blue guys and girl are Smurfs and Gargamel is an evil wizard?" Ori asked.

"Who is trying to find and catch them." Bilbo filled in.

"Not as interesting as our adventures." Dori snickered.

**One and a half hour later**

Fourteen frozen figures with large eyes and open mouths.

"We must find the Smurfs." Thorin with a creepy good impression of Gargamel. "Only they have the knowledge and power to get us out of here."


	6. Chapter 6

"So our next step is to find these Smurfs?" Fili asked.

"It seems as if they have experienced the same problem." Balin said.

"My problem is that my stomach is aching for food..." Bombur muttered.

The fourteen of them were walking on the sidewalk, still properly disguised as humans.

"There must be some way to get something to eat..." Bombur kept moaning.

Thirteen sighs were heard.

"If your fat belly tells you you're hungry, perhaps it can also tell you where to find food." Kili snickered.

"Kili is right, I do not want to hear any complains any longer!" Thorin said annoyed. "Our top priority is to get out of this miserable place and back to Middle-Earth!" "Master Baggins, any idea what our next step has to be?"

Bilbo was about to tell Thorin that he had no idea, but someone answered instead.

"Middle-Earth?"

The company turned around and looked up to three teenage girls. They all had a backpack with the logo of _The Hobbit_ and one of them was wearing a cap with the similar logo. The girls stared at them with big eyes.

"What do we do?" Kili whispered.

"Do not move an inch..." Thorin whispered back.

"Trish, is that...are those...?"

"I think it is!"

The three girls clapped their hands and let out the most highest scream ever.

"RUN!" Several dwarves shouted before they bolted.

Most of them managed to hide in an ally. Unfortunately the fan girls grabbed Fili and Thorin.

"Run, save yourselves!" Fili yelled dramatically as one of the girls almost hugged him to death.

"Let go of my nephew you ugly human!"

Kili was already running back but Dori stopped him.

"We have to figure out a plan to save them!" Bilbo said.

"They're leaving, should we follow them?" Dwalin asked.

"Yes, otherwise we'll never find them again." Balin said.

As quietly as they could, the eleven dwarves and Bilbo pursued the three girls. They were ecstatic about the fact they found, well captured is a better word, two of their heroes.

"Oy look at that!" Bofur suddenly said.

He was standing in front of a toy shop.

"This is not the time for shopping!" Bilbo hissed.

"I know but look at that, aren't those Smurts we're supposed to look for?"

He was right, at the back of the store were blue little guys with white hats.

"Smurfs you'll mean!" Ori said.

He was a big fan of them ever since he'd seen the movie.

"What do we do, follow Thorin and Fili or talk to those Smurfs?" Gloin asked.

"Follow uncle and Fili of course!" Kili said.

"Alright, alright!" Bilbo came in-between. "Gloin, Ori, Bofur, go talk to those Smurfs, the rest of us will follow those girls."

The three dwarves nodded and entered the shop. It was very crowded.

"Watch it!" Bofur yelled when he was pushed aside by a fat kid.

Ori accidently threw a whole bucket of bouncy balls over which caused Gloin to trip over them and almost fall.

"Oh dear..." Bofur said face palming himself.

Finally after what seemed like surviving an entire war, the three made it to the back of the store. They walked to the shelf with Smurfs (obviously dolls but the dwarves of course didn't know).

"Hello there, my name's Ori, I'm a big fan!" He said to the nearest "Smurf".

The three waited several minutes but no response came.

"Don't worry we're good folk." Bofur said.

Silence...

"He's too shy, try another one!" Gloin growled.

They tried to talk to every single Smurf on the shelf until they stood at the last one, Smurfette.

"It's no use, this lot annoys me almost as much as elves!" Gloin said.

"Let me handle this lads." Bofur said with a smile. "I'm usually good with speaking to the ladies."

Gloin and Ori snickered before he shot them a glare and they quickly stopped.

"Good afternoon my lady." Bofur said with his sweetest voice.

The Smurfette kept staring at the dwarf with a goofy smile.

"I'm afraid we're a bit lost, we come from Middle-Earth you see..."

No response...

"Give it up Bofur, it's no use." Gloin said.

"Maybe they're just scared, Gloin scares me sometimes." Ori said.

The red haired dwarf glared so threatening it almost equals Thorins.

"Alright, let's go than, try to find the others I suppose..." Bofur muttered defeated.

He did not know he would soon see the most hilarious thing in his life.


	7. Chapter 7

"Where'd they go?" Dori asked.

They stood in a crowded street and had lost the three fangirls out of sight.

"There they are!" Balin said pointing to the other side of the street.

The dwarves and Bilbo could see the girls walking around the corner.

"Come on!" Kili said and he crossed the street without even looking.

Remarkably he made it without hitting any car, bicycle or any other object on the road. Bilbo wanted to point out how dangerous that was, but all the other dwarves were already halfway across the street.

"What...what are you doing...that's very very dangerous..." He muttered but no one heard him. "Ooh why didn't I stay in my hobbit hole?"

He took a deep breath and crossed the street.

"Aaaah!" "Hooo..."

After nearly being killed by a car and run over by a bicycle, he was on the other side.

"Hurry hobbit!" Dwalin said as the other dwarves had already moved on.

They found the others not too far away, standing in front of a house.

"They went in here." Nori said. "But how do we get in?"

"That is going to be tricky..." Bilbo muttered.

"Oooh come on guys, what if those monsters are planning on eating Fili and uncle?" Kili said weary.

He couldn't be more wrong, but let's not get ahead of things.

"Isn't there a back door, just like the Lonely Mountain?" Bombur asked suddenly.

"Bombur, that's brilliant!" Balin said.

The dwarves and Bilbo quietly walked to the side of the house and walked into the garden.

"Beautiful flowers here." Dori said while looking at some roses. "They don't seem like dwarf eating monsters."

"Don't be deceived by their appearance, elves usually have pretty flowers and stuff." Kili said fierce.

Finally they found a small green door at the back of the house. It wasn't locked.

"Who goes first?" Balin asked.

"Mister Baggins, he's the burglar." Kili said.

"All the sudden you seem a lot like your uncle." Bilbo said irritated.

But the good hobbit as he was, he accepted the task.

The green door led to a small kitchen. It smelled very nice and it remembered Bilbo of his own famous raspberry pies he used to make in his own kitchen.

_Wait a minute..._ Bilbo thought. _They aren't really planning on eating Fili and Thorin?!_

Bilbo immediately tried to locate the smell. It came from an oven. He ran to it and just wanted to open it when he heard footsteps. As quickly and silent as a professional burglar, the hobbit hid behind the fridge.

"...should be done by now."

A teenage girl with light brown hair in a ponytail walked into the kitchen and looked through the oven's window.

"No almost ready, our guests have to wait a little longer on the pie!"

She walked out of the kitchen. Bilbo carefully walked back to the oven. He knew his next step, but it wasn't an easy one. He had to follow that girl. But before he could, the back door opened a little.

"And, have you found them?" Balin whispered.

"Not yet, but come with me!" Bilbo whispered back.

All the dwarves, now including Bofur, Ori and Gloin who had been fetched by Nori, came in.

"So this is where Thorin and Fili are been kept prison?" Ori asked.

"Yes, but come on, best not stay here." Bilbo whispered.

The twelve of them made their way through the corridor and that's where they stopped.

"Which way should we go?" Oin asked. "Upstairs or to the other rooms here?"

"I think we should split up." Bilbo said. "Ori, Bifur, Bombur, Oin, Gloin, Kili, you stay down, the others come with me upstairs."

"I want to lead the first group!" Kili said but still quite silent for him.

Everyone looked at him. "Okay...you do that." Bilbo said confused.

And so the first group with Kili at front disappeared into the nearest room while the second group lead by Bilbo went upstairs. They weren't even all the way up when they heard voices.

"...like some more tea?"

Some laughter was heard.

"Careful now..." Dori whispered as they walked up the corridor, their weapons tightly in arm.

"I'll make sure those lassies will never want to come near a dwarf again..." Dwalin growled.

"Calm down now, we don't even know if those girls meant any harm!" Bilbo said.

"They're in here!" Bofur, who had move on while the others were in their discussion, said.

The others quickly gathered around the door.

"How are we going to do this?" Balin asked.

Dwalin immediately kicked the door open and charged into the room. The others quickly followed his example. But after a few steps they were stopped by Dwalin, who stood still in the middle of the room.

There, in one of the corners were Fili and Thorin. They were chained to a chair with what seemed two necklaces. But that was not all, they were dressed in a pink and a purple dress.

"Oh finally get us out of here!" Fili yelled.

"They'll laugh at us first, you know that..." Thorin sighed.

Thorin was right, all the other dwarves and Bilbo had tears in their eyes from laughing except Dwalin who had an inner conflict on either to laugh or feel sorry for his dear friend. After a few seconds he chose to laugh as hard as everybody else.

And through all this, the three teenage girls looked bewildered as all of their heroes now stood in front of them. They started to yell again and this alerted the hobbit and dwarf.

"Let them go witches!" Nori screamed.

The free dwarves immediately charged the girls who screamed, but still laughed, and threw dolls at them. Bilbo ran to the chair and tried to free Fili and Thorin. He succeeded and Thorin reclaimed his leadership by announcing their departure. The eight of them ran down the stairs as quick as they could, screaming for the others to leave the house. The two groups met at the hallway.

"Uncle, Fili good to see...you..."

Kili looked with big eyes at his uncle and older brother.

"No time for that, run!" Bilbo said while he grabbed Kili's shirt and dragged him to the backdoor.

The now complete company ran into the garden and hid behind some big bushes. Not long after that, the three girls came outside, calling for the dwarves and hobbit. Disappointed they went inside. Thorin and Fili quickly got out of their dresses and kicked them into the ground.

"That was horrible..." Fili muttered.

"What happened?" Gloin asked with a grin on his face.

"Those girls dressed us, braided our hair and fed us all kinds of pastries." Fili said while he and Thorin plucked pink beads out of their hair.

Kili laughed so hard he fell on the ground. But after a few seconds he looked dead serious.

"Want me to braid your hair back to as it was?"

It was Dis, Thorin's sister and Fili and Kili's mother who had braid their hair before they went on their journey to reclaim Erebor and it was a very sensitive thing for dwarves to be braided by their own family.

"Yes please." Fili said with a smile.

Thorin just nodded. "But first we have to get as far as we can from this mad place."


End file.
